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Sep. 18th, 2009 05:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
glisharaWesley is such an oversensitive kid in so many ways: I worry about him when he gets older if he doesn't develop some better coping mechanisms. He's a real sweetheart, but from time to time something will set him off and he'll just dissolve into inconsolable tears. It tends to happen at times when he's done something wrong or when he's hurt himself in some way, and it just kills me to see it.
Or... I guess it's not so much when he's done something wrong. It's when he's hurt someone accidentally.
Today, for instance, he came up to me for hugs and kisses, and we were snuggling and hugging and things, and he lowered his head and drove up hard into my chin.
"OW!" I said. Wesley looked up at me with wide, confused eyes. "Wesley, you have GOT to be more careful about doing things like that," I told him, rubbing my chin. "You are getting to be a big boy, and you need to think about what you're doing with your body, because you can hurt people without meaning to. That hurt my chin. Don't do that again."
I was using my stern voice, firm and low-pitched and just a bit urgent. And, you know, I hurt, and that probably bled through as irritation.
Wesley took this in for a minute with wide eyes, and I said, a bit gentler, "Do you want to kiss it to help make it better?" He nodded, then gave me a little kiss on the chin. And then he dissolved into tears. Big, sobby, heartbroken tears.
"I'm sorry!" he said. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't want to be bad!" And I melted, and said, "Oh, Wesley! It's okay, sweetheart. I know you didn't mean to, and I'm not mad. You just need to learn to be more careful." But for over five minutes, we could do nothing but process iterations of this. "I'm not a good boy!" and "I don't want to hurt you. I didn't mean to." It just kills me, and I can't do anything but cradle him in my arms and try not to start crying myself.
What really upset me today was when I said, "Wesley, would a kiss help. Can I put a kiss on you to help make the sads better?" and he said, "Yes! You can bonk my chin and kiss it and it will be better." And I said, "Oh, Wesley, I don't want to hurt your chin. I don't want to hurt any of you." And it just... man.
He does the same thing when he hurts himself sometimes, if it's a bad hurt, like closing his fingers in the door. He starts to cry, and within a minute or two, it's dissolved into apologizing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." And we just clutch him and say, over and over, "Oh, Wesley, Wesley, you didn't do anything wrong. It was just an accident. It wasn't your fault. You're a good boy, and we love you so much. We want you happy."
He's so hard to bring down from these guilt-and-desperation crying jags, and I never know how to handle them. I think he needs to find some different outlets for these feelings, but I don't know how to help him find them. :(
Or... I guess it's not so much when he's done something wrong. It's when he's hurt someone accidentally.
Today, for instance, he came up to me for hugs and kisses, and we were snuggling and hugging and things, and he lowered his head and drove up hard into my chin.
"OW!" I said. Wesley looked up at me with wide, confused eyes. "Wesley, you have GOT to be more careful about doing things like that," I told him, rubbing my chin. "You are getting to be a big boy, and you need to think about what you're doing with your body, because you can hurt people without meaning to. That hurt my chin. Don't do that again."
I was using my stern voice, firm and low-pitched and just a bit urgent. And, you know, I hurt, and that probably bled through as irritation.
Wesley took this in for a minute with wide eyes, and I said, a bit gentler, "Do you want to kiss it to help make it better?" He nodded, then gave me a little kiss on the chin. And then he dissolved into tears. Big, sobby, heartbroken tears.
"I'm sorry!" he said. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't want to be bad!" And I melted, and said, "Oh, Wesley! It's okay, sweetheart. I know you didn't mean to, and I'm not mad. You just need to learn to be more careful." But for over five minutes, we could do nothing but process iterations of this. "I'm not a good boy!" and "I don't want to hurt you. I didn't mean to." It just kills me, and I can't do anything but cradle him in my arms and try not to start crying myself.
What really upset me today was when I said, "Wesley, would a kiss help. Can I put a kiss on you to help make the sads better?" and he said, "Yes! You can bonk my chin and kiss it and it will be better." And I said, "Oh, Wesley, I don't want to hurt your chin. I don't want to hurt any of you." And it just... man.
He does the same thing when he hurts himself sometimes, if it's a bad hurt, like closing his fingers in the door. He starts to cry, and within a minute or two, it's dissolved into apologizing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." And we just clutch him and say, over and over, "Oh, Wesley, Wesley, you didn't do anything wrong. It was just an accident. It wasn't your fault. You're a good boy, and we love you so much. We want you happy."
He's so hard to bring down from these guilt-and-desperation crying jags, and I never know how to handle them. I think he needs to find some different outlets for these feelings, but I don't know how to help him find them. :(
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Date: 2009-09-18 10:05 pm (UTC)We just all of us hugged him and told him it was OK, and let him know that he was loved and he was a good boy, and gradually, as he got older, he learned to not take every bump he caused someone so personally and as such a failure just because they were someone he loved deeply.
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Date: 2009-09-18 10:07 pm (UTC)